I don't like LJ. When i joined I thought it was essentially the same thing as a blog. Where you can find interesting things like recipes, crafts, present ideas, interesting websites...etc

But to my dismay Live Journal is more like a personal diary thats open to the public.

So I'm going to create a blog instead but i have no idea how to do this. anyone know?

Hello everyone!

I meant to post this earlier but as you'll notice from my previous entry LJ-cut and I were not on good terms.

Anyway, as you may or may not know, Alex and I got into a pretty big argument this weekend. The way certain events panned out I started to think maybe this time we weren't going to work it out. After a few more things happened on sunday I really started to get worried. Alex came over and we talked (ALOT) about what had happened and how we both made mistakes. We both apologized but even so the mood did not lighten. I asked alex very seriously if he was feeling apathetic about me and our relationship and thankfully he said absolutely not! He suggested the reason we get into a lot of fights is because we are extremely close and spend just about every minute together. When i think about it, the majority of our fights are due to either a misunderstanding or crummy situation that we can't do anything about.

I love Alex with my entire heart and no fight is going to change that. He's the greatest boyfriend I've ever had and one of the most loving, loyal and sensitive people I've ever met. And the best part of having alex in my life is that I know he feels the same way about me. <3

Happy 6 months panda :)

( LOVE )

dear lj cut

why don't you fuck off or stop keeping your secrets from me

i am not happy!!!

My best friend of all time Jen and her boyfriend Nate are staying with me this weekend! they came in last night at like 12 and we went to Pochi with Alex and then came home and talking all night. Today we are going to eat at jack and bennys then see mama mia, then walk around easton, then probably eat again or come back to my house, and tonight i'm not sure...probably go to a bar or something fun. I'm so excited they are here! First time Jen has come to see my new house! yay!

I'll take some pictures of us and post them after this weekend!

...and i applied at G-eagle and another kinkos called me back and said they want me! woooooo

p.s
I <3 Alex Junge

Gizmo is so bad. Yestarday consisted of me running around the house spraying him with the spray bottle and yelling no while he did everything imaginable a kitten could do that's bad. Crawling/clawing up my leg while i'm on the computer (like the picture above), drigging out his litter and spreading it all around the room, and grabbing chunks of poo from his litter and kicking them around. SICK!

now he's trying to push the screen out of my window paying no attention that I live on the second floor! And if i'm laying in bed he claws me trhough the sheets ouch!

Even when he's being cuddly he's still a weird-o. For some reason he's obsessed with licking my eyeball and the inside of my nose. tickley and uncomfortable!!!

BUT he is the cutest kitten ever and i love him so much. Even though he's a wild beast sometimes. Sorry i don't hav eany pictures of the real gizmo, my camera doesnt work with vista :(

I want to make a stuffed animal so bad! I never have before so I should probably make something basic like the ugly dolls i've been seeing everywhere----------------->


come on, look how easy that would be! draw a shape on two pieces of cloth, cut it out, and sew the pieces together.
Maybe i'll make that to start off but thats not what i want.

i found this little guy on the interweb and isnt he so cute! This ones my favorite!!
 
here are some of his friends



or look at how cute this little mouse is!!
 

OMG look at this goblin!



i originally got this idea from watching the labyrinth

 (again for like the 50th time) and at the beginning of the movie a stuffed Fiery doll is in sara's room. and i want to make one! i can't find any picture of the doll on the internet but the character in the movie looks like this but the doll is MUCH cuter. damnit i wish i had a picture of it

speaking of the Labyrinth..... oh Jerith I'll be there for you as the world falls down!!







yes! i'm so getting this tattoo!!

Today I was searching around on the internet and my friend jen told me to watch the weezer video pork-n-beans on you tube. And it's a pretty cool video because it features a bunch of the famous youtube people, like kelly and the numa numa guy. check it out it's cool

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI>

and you know how when you finish watching a video it shows other videos the user has posted. So that is how i stumbled upon chris crocker. i knew he had a video about brittany spears but i hadnt watched it. So i figured I would check it out...and wound up watching like 10 other videos by him.

I can't believe this guy. but more than that i can't believe i got sucked into watching his pity party. and i could care less about pop culture. so why did i have to watch these videos that i'm guessing most of my generation has seen.

and speaking of that doubles convinced me to watch two girls one cup yestarday and damn. i wish i would have never seen that disgusting shit. eww what is wrong with people!?

i am

                                                                                                    
  

Hey again, If you read my last post you'll be happy (maybe?) to know that I found the superhero story I wrote a few years ago. Actually I think it was two winters ago to be exact. I'm really proud of this story. It's the only thing I've ever finished and the only thing that I'm not embarrased to show to other people.
 If you care to read it I would appreciate you telling me what you think. I just re-read it since i wrote it and I still really like it. Everyone told me then i write just like i talk...and it's so true :P
Unfortunitly i don't know how to post it other than to copy and paste so if your reading i would copy it into word first.

<3

 

My Life in Spandex

January 3^rd

Hey Moms and Dads… would you like a superhero to appear at your child’s birthday party?  Call 555-1985 for more information.

Sound familiar?  You’ve probably seen the poster at least once in your life. Maybe at work?  The bus stop?  Your community college?  Even under your wiper blades? Well, that’s me, Spider man. Yep, I’m “that guy”.  I’m the guy that shows up to your child’s party a little late, a little over weight, and stuffed into a spandex costume. You’re probably too polite to ask, but I know you’re wondering so I’ll end the suspense. Yes, This IS actually my pathetic full time job.  What my brother refers to as “the business”, like it’s a dirty job. He’ll whisper to me in public, “the business has work for you tomorrow afternoon,” like we’re criminals!  My brother John is my roommate and the founder of our  two man “business”, but you won’t catch him in the costume.  Instead he spends his time cooking for Red Lobster, staring at a pan of shrimp and thinking about ways for us to make money.  As far as management is concerned, well, John takes my suit to the drycleaners maybe twice a month and prints out new posters when we get low.  That pretty much covers it.  I try to convince him to play the superhero once in a while but his response is always, “the creator can never be the star, Bruce.”  Really, the truth is he’s too embarrassed.  I mean wouldn’t you be?  It certainly took me a while to get over the fact that I, a 28 year old man, entertains 6 year olds for $40 an hour on an on-call basis.  Oh, and did I mention my suit is spandex?  Not exactly a chick magnet when you’re overweight and balding.

My brother and I live with Donnie, our best friend and roommate since our high school days.  If he wasn’t like a brother to me I might be annoyed that he insists on living with us every time we rent a new place, which is currently a two bedroom apartment.  John got the master bedroom. I’ve got the other room, while Donnie and his “girlfriend” share the couch…and  she’s a total slob. Always leaving her stuff around the house, but Donnie is a freak about having things clean.  He is constantly vacuuming up her blond hair, and taking her for long walks. You should see how much jewelry he buys her! Luckily none of it is over twelve dollars.  His “girlfriend” Rufie, is a full time resident at our apartment, yet she doesn’t have a job or pay rent, sometimes you’ll even catch her drinking out of the toilet bowl.   A pretty disgusting habit if you ask me.  Rufie stays out of my way most of the time, except when I’m eating.  You’d think Donnie doesn’t feed her the way she acts.

Well that’s enough background for now.

 

January 5^th

I had a gig in Madison today. It’s a pretty ritzy town, just a few miles from downtown.  I always hate going to the nice places. I feel really second rate compared to the parents who are probably doctors or lawyers, but the kids are always fun.  Seeing them happy always cheers me up.  To tell you the truth I actually like my job.  I love children. They get so excited when I show up and introduce myself to the birthday boy or girl.  They gather around me as I tell them the story of someone’s life I saved just that morning, or my plans to defeat the arch nemesis of whomever I am that day.  They always ask lots of questions about my (characters) life, my favorite foods, and if I have any pets.  They are always interested in pets. How many tarantulas does Spiderman own?  What tricks does Superman’s dog know?  Does Batman’s talking parrot let secrets slip now and then?  Last, we bring out the cake and I sing to them and give them my superhero present.  Usually it’s an action figure or a T-shirt, or whatever else the parent provided, once in awhile it’s something totally extravagant, like a battery powered kid-sized bat mobile that costs more than the POS I drove to get there.  Then, I pretend I have to leave for duty and if I’m lucky, the parent gives me a tip as I head out the door.  If I’m not lucky the brat cries, and I get sucked into staying another hour. If I’m really not lucky the parent complains and asks for a refund, and if the world hates me the parent pulls me aside, confides to me they are a major comic book fan and gives me suggestions on how to improve my act.  Well Ok, maybe that hasn’t happened yet but sometimes when I’m hung over I think it might.

            I got to play Spiderman today, my personal favorite. And guess what else? The costume wasn’t as tight on my junk as usual. Sweet!

 

January 10^th

It’s 6 a.m. I can’t sleep because Donnie and John are screaming at each other.  From what I’m hearing I guess Rufie snuck into John’s bed last night while Donnie was working late at the bar. Donnie is yelling something about just getting in and finding her there so he must have had a late night.  John is saying he was out cold and had no idea she came in.  Donnie is yelling but I can’t understand it.  He gets pretty crazy about certain things, especially his girl.  I don’t know the real reason for it but I assume it has to do with him not getting much love as a child.  He is also real extreme about having things sanitary but that doesn’t help my theory, unless he thinks Rufie is cleaner than John. He could have a point.  “She was probably just lonely” John is saying. Donnie is furious.  Rufie is hiding.  I… am going back to bed.

 

January 10^th Later that day

No work for me today.  Donnie is luring Rufie out of hiding with some pepperoni when I come into the living room. I ask him if John is at work. He shrugs, and then proceeds to tell me the entire story of that morning. I make some breakfast and turn on reruns of Batman and Robin.  Donnie hassles me to hit up some yard sales with him and eventually I give in.  Not because I want to go but because I have nothing better to do and if I don’t say “yes”, he will continue to ask.  I throw on some jeans and a T-shirt and sit back down to watch T.V.

Donnie takes forever to get ready.  Thirty minutes later he is still in the shower. Now I have to wait for him to blow dry his hair. Seriously, what dude blow dries their hair?

Then he has to clean the shower for the next person, which he does everyday after everyone showers.  Finally he comes out looking way too much like Chris Kattan from Night at the Roxbury. I can’t help but complete the moment with some Ace of Base.

“It’s a beautiful life Oh Ooohhh” I sing to him and he throws the towel at me. Rufie watches him put on his shoes and runs to the door. Donnie grabs the leash and we head out.

 “So tell me about those hot moms you see at the business”, he says while we walk.

 “I don’t know man, everyone is married.”

“So what?”

“So… they are married dude!  They don’t talk to me.”

“You could talk to them, if you would stop acting like a woman”

“In costume? Yea right”

“Hey man, some chicks dig that role playing stuff.  Some chicks are flat out freaks.”

“Not at their child’s party, you tool.”

“I’m just saying man, you’re single and you have the perfect job to meet the ladies…”

“You’re retarded.”

Our neighborhood is packed with yard sales. And not just today.  It’s like all the residents, but mainly women, wake up and whip out their junk. They love it. They lounge in their swimsuits caked with disgusting orange tanning lotion or walk around house to house with drink in hand, stopping frequently for gossip.  I hear them whisper, ”Marsha at 329 is giving away that bread maker you gave her for Christmas, did you see the ridiculous price Linda at 301 is selling those awful shoes for ? ” These people are from a different world. Sometimes they pile all their crap at one house and have a potluck; sometimes you can witness them fighting over prices.

Rufie gets excited as we get closer to the rummage and yanks Donnie ahead. Donnie is excited to be here as well.  He loves to shop and since retail doesn’t fit his budget this is the perfect place for him.  Not to mention, all the housewives make a big fuss when he comes around.  They love him. He always buys, and he always talks. Sometimes I’ll leave Donnie in gossip and he won’t come home until way after dark.

“Look who’s here ladies…” a wrinkly woman coos as we walk up.  Thank God she’s not talking about me.

“Good afternoon Mrs. Kin, have anything good for me today?” Donnie hugs the woman while scanning her tables of crap.

“Oh Donnie, please call me Doris.” She strokes Rufie and offers her a bite of sandwich. “I think you might like this sweater right over here. Come have a look dear. It was my nephews’.”

“Oh Doris stop hogging him..” another housewife calls, “come over here Donnie…, would you like to try some of my fruit salad? “

            I’m standing on the tree lawn pretending not to care about these sun burnt mutants and their disinterest in my life when I spy the flyer stapled to a tree. At first glance I assumed it was one of mine, a cartoon superhero jumping out of the backdrop holding a birthday cake.  I get closer and realize this flyer is different; for one thing it is in color. Not to mention the phone number is different and a website is listed for more information. I yank the flyer down, “Hey Donnie come look at this.”

“Donnie…”

“Donnie…”

“Hey man, come here…” It’s no use. The mutants, now multiplying, are feeding him their poison casseroles, cobblers, and custard. I look at my watch… 2:00. John won’t be home for another 3 hours. At this point Donnie has been sucked into their web of mothering and may never return. I realize things are out of my control and I have no choice but to leave him. Besides I’ve got some investigating to do.

            On the way home I see a few more flyers, one on a lamp post, and another on a bench. Who would dare invade my territory? I’ve got to speak to John about this nonsense.

 

January 11^th

John got home late last night and despite my attempts to work him into an outrage, went straight to bed. I can only assume that my nemesis discovered his relation to me and tainted my poor brother with mind numbing (but undetectable) poison. He is probably in stage three now which I’m certain is sudden death.

“Hey bro, sorry about last night” John sighs coming into my room.

“You’re alive!” I exclaim.

“Well. Barely, I think I ate some bad fish at work. I feel like garbage. What were you all fired up about last night?” He throws himself onto my bed.

“Ok, get this….” I pick up the stolen flyer and show him.

“OH JEEZ! I don’t believe this!”

“I know, what’d you think we should do?” He suggests calling the number but then suddenly “chickens out.”  

“We can convince Donnie to do it..?”

“Yea but what would he say?”

“I have no idea, besides Donnie’s solution would be to schedule a meeting “to work things out” and then show up with a baseball bat.”

In the end we decide not to call the number but check the website; the discreet approach for cowards like us. The only problem, nobody here has a computer. Good thing the library is a short walk. Bad thing I have outstanding fees and unreturned movies. John tells me it’s no big deal. “They aren’t going to come after you Bruce!”

….Little does he know I’ve already received about ten letters from the library and a few phone calls I chose to ignore.

 

Later that day

My senses are switched on high. John is walking to the library and I am following a couple paces behind. The library is exactly two blocks from our apartment and I’m reviewing escape routes in case of trouble…in my head of course. John doesn’t notice the fact that once again he may be in grave danger. We enter the library and I half expect a mob of elderly librarians to ambush me and take me prisoner. Instead the library is calm and quiet. Or is it too quiet? I tip toe in and out of corners and around bookshelves until we reach the computers. John sits down and turns to me, “will you be joining me weirdo?”

“Shhh!” I whisper. He rolls his eyes.

“You did remember the flyer right?” I hand it to him then cover my face with the nearest book. It appears these weary women of literature haven’t noticed me yet, or their highly secretive nature is too mysterious for even my acute senses to detect. John prints the home page then fusses around some more before announcing we can go. We head for the door just as Leroy Thomas, an old timer in charge of children’s story hour, and my elementary school tutor, the man who introduced me to the superficial world in which I now live, walks up to us. (I should have known their tricks; these textbook fanatics who live in silence 30-40 hours a week are probably the most observant people I know. Where else are you shushed for opening a creaking door or dropping a book? Even squeaky shoes don’t go unnoticed in this place. I was a fool to purposely invade their grounds, and imagine I could get away).

“Well look-y here, if it isn’t the Dell brothers, and how are we doing?” He interrogates “picking out some summer reading I hope.”

Ha! I will not be fooled by his grandfatherly charisma so easily.

“Just came to use the computers Mr. Thomas, and don’t mind Bruce, he’s not exactly feeling well.” I slowly back toward the door watching as John makes some small talk and wishes dear old Mr. Thomas a lovely day.

Mr. Thomas would be so disappointed to know I’ve become a crappy citizen, unable to at the very least return a movie, or worse, never reading the news.

We have all the information we need to make a plan. It turns out my rival is an out of work elementary school teacher, in better shape physically and mentally I must admit. But what’s the next step? Capture obviously won’t work; we don’t have enough food or income to support another person indefinitely, and where would we hide the cage when friends come to visit? Not to mention the laws that forbid kidnapping. I’ve just gotta scare him off a little. I never did get myself to the gym though, so I’m not as physically threatening as I’d like, and I don’t have the money for some major advertising blitz.

Hmm… this is going to be tricky.

 

January 15^th

I’ve been busy with work for the last few days and still haven’t come up with any good ideas. At the party today one of the mothers mentioned that phony to me. Right as I was packing up she wandered over and asked if I had seen the new flyers. “I think you might have a little competition now Bruce.” Well thank you Captain Obvious.

            At least I still have customers, although the repeats do get older every year. Being that I have few talents and no college degree I’m not sure what else I’m capable of. Gosh, I hadn’t thought that the evil teacher might bankrupt me! No doubt about it, something must be done to stop him.

 

January 17^th Judgment Day

I woke up that morning and started my day as if it were any other day. It wouldn’t be until later I’d find out the 4 horseman would ride in for the apocalypse. I took a shower, ate some breakfast while being hassled by Rufie, chit chatted with Donnie, and around 2 o’clock drove to my next scheduled appearance where I would become Batman for about an hour and a half.

Every party starts the same. The mother greets me in the front yard before the children see, and tells me some details about the birthday boy or girl that I might like to incorporate into my act. She will remind me of how old he or she just turned and his or her best character traits and then give me the gift that I will present in an award like fashion. Today the mother informed me the show was extra special. Her little boy Brian just turned 6 and she wanted to make this his best birthday ever.

“So I hope you don’t mind but I’ve actually hired two people.” She told me.

“I’m not sure what you mean…”

“Another guy that does the superhero act, just like you.” I almost fainted. “I ran the idea by him just now. He’s fine with it and will be here shortly.”

The temperature just rose 50 degrees. I’m standing there sweating, not sure what to do.

“Ok, so that’s fine then?” I’m panicking. Breathe Bruce, its ok…it’s ok

“Umm…I…well…ok. “ AHH what did I just say!

“Great, then come on in.” Oh no!

“Oh gosh, I almost forgot! Matt’s the name of the other guy coming and I asked him to dress as the Joker.” She giggles, “I thought it would be really fun for the kids if you came in first and introduced yourself and then Matt showed up and you had a pretend battle. Not too scary of course. And I realize this is really last minute so I’ll be sure to factor that into your pay. Everything good then?”

            Before I can really answer she opens the door for me and without thinking I step inside. My heart is racing. In moments I will come face to face with my real life arch enemy, coincidentally both in my real and fantasy life. Of all the liberties she could have made!

            I follow her out to the back yard where a crowd of screaming kids await. I quickly realize this is one of the biggest parties I’ve ever done. As soon as I walk through the door the children go crazy. Screaming, and laughing, they gather around me like the townspeople of Gotham. If only they knew their courageous hero was shaking in his boots. Stay calm Bruce you can do this.

“My butler Alfred informed me someone has a birthday today…” I say in my most macho and fearless voice. “So I thought I’d drop by with a special gift.”

The kids scream and shout and point to Brian in awe. Just as I greet the boy I see his mother signal to me out of the corner of my eye. AHHH!! My passive nature is not ready for confrontation but it appears I have no choice! A tall slender man in a purple suit steps through the door. He is the perfect Joker in every way. The door closes with a bang and every eye turns to him. The children scream and hide behind me.

“Get him Batman!” a brave one whispers.

 

I know I should be doing something now but…I have no clue. I’m not a hero I confess!

No, there is no time for that now I tell myself.

“Joker I don’t think you were invited to this party.” I say taking a step forward. What am I doing?

“So we meet again Batman…but this time the joke’s on you. EEEEEE… Hee-hee-hee…” His menacing laugh is identical to the cartoon. He lifts his hand and tosses a deck of cards at me. They flutter all around my suit and fall to the ground.

“You have no right to be here.” I say “Now I’m only going to ask you once to leave.”

“Oh come on batty boy, let’s have a little fun” his imitation is perfect. He is carrying a large circus bag and out of it he pulls a party hat. He puts it on and then blows into a noise maker.

“The children don’t like you here, Joker…”

“Alright then, I suppose If I’m not wanted …” he says frowning. He crosses his arms and looks at us for a moment. Then he shrugs, picks up his bag and turns to leave.  I am not fooled.

“Wait kids, he’s up to something!” I whisper. Joker drops the bag and jerks around.

“You are CORRECT Batman! Heeeeeee-hehee” He lunges at me. The children scream and run away. Just in time I take a step to the left and the Joker falls forward. He gets up and runs at me again. I grab his arms and realize his strength does NOT exceed mine; actually we are about the same. He grabs onto my arms and we push and pull each other trying to make the other fall down. He winks at me and let’s go of my right arm. I decide to see what he is planning, because I have no clue how we are going to end this. He reaches into his pocket and holds a small smoke bomb up for me to see. He winks again then tosses it on the ground beneath us. We wrestle to the ground just as the yard fills up with a grey smoke. As it gets increasingly hard for the children to see us, Matt takes a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and fastens them on himself. Then he turns on his side facing the kids and tells me to hold him down. Luckily the smoke only lasts a few minutes before the breeze carries if off. Through the clearing smoke the children can see the two of us getting up. I lift Matt to his feet since his arms are tied and announce to the children, “it’s all over.”

A perfect plan, I must say. I wish Brian “Happy Birthday” and escort the joker to the front yard. His mother follows after us leaving another woman to keep the children away. I take off Matt’s handcuffs and introduce myself again…this time as Bruce Dell instead of Bruce Wayne.

“You were awesome back there. I’ve never seen anything like it.” I tell him.

“You were great too, and great costume.” Matt goes on to explain he has never performed with another person before and didn’t know what to expect. I couldn’t believe he was so good at creative acting.

            Brian’s mother pays us each one hundred and fifty dollars and congratulates our work.

“I can’t wait to tell all my friends about you two. I’m sure you will be getting a lot of phone calls in the next week. Great Job, I’m very impressed.”

I ask Matt if he wants to meet up later for a drink and he says, “That sounds great.”

            Later I confide to him that I was pretty upset when I saw his flyers and thought he might be trying to take over my business. He tells me about how he recently got laid off and is a huge comic book fan, “I’m sort of an amateur actor so I thought maybe I could do this until I found another job. I’m not from this city so I hadn’t heard of you before.”

We talk for hours about comics, the classics, and some new ones we like. After a few more beers we exchange numbers and agree to meet another time to talk about a business strategy.

To be continued……..